This day 4yrs ago changed my life forever. I can remember every detail as if it happened yesterday. I can't believe it's been 4yrs already. I did struggle yesterday not to remember the painful events that lead to his demise. For some reason, I felt I was comparatively stronger last year around this time. I guess the wound does not heal completely after all and that it does prick once a while. I couldn't help but think how my daughter and my son would have gotten along if he were alive. I started to imagine scenarios and their reactions and behaviours until I started to cry and it was only then I reminded myself to stop and return back to the reality. I chose to wear the dress that I wore the last time he was alive and moving within me. I never regarded this dress special until today suddenly.... I try my best to think the best of Adyuth so I can smile everytime I am reminded of him, but it's not something that's in my control. I realised I do keep wavering, yet...
Can't believe it's been 3 yrs.... should I say 3yrs of losing him or 3 yrs of having him in my memory. Yes, this day wells up my eyes and heart. I can't stop thinking how he would have looked. How his voice would have been, how naughty he would have been. I never shared the feeling of his loss with my daughter. Instead I kept telling her that I was happy to have her and that I'm fine because of her but she felt I hadn't acknowledged the loss of Adyuth and I had forgotten him which would make him sad. I had to explain her that I did not forget him even for a moment but I just didn't want her to get upset because I was upset. I realised, she felt better being open and normal about Adyuth, it made her realise I loved both of them equally because, although he is gone he means so much to her and she keeps talking to me about him. When she sees an annoying brother of her friend she says she wonders if Adyuth would have been like that. She says she pretends to have h...