This day 4yrs ago changed my life forever. I can remember every detail as if it happened yesterday. I can't believe it's been 4yrs already. I did struggle yesterday not to remember the painful events that lead to his demise. For some reason, I felt I was comparatively stronger last year around this time. I guess the wound does not heal completely after all and that it does prick once a while. I couldn't help but think how my daughter and my son would have gotten along if he were alive. I started to imagine scenarios and their reactions and behaviours until I started to cry and it was only then I reminded myself to stop and return back to the reality. I chose to wear the dress that I wore the last time he was alive and moving within me. I never regarded this dress special until today suddenly.... I try my best to think the best of Adyuth so I can smile everytime I am reminded of him, but it's not something that's in my control. I realised I do keep wavering, yet...