He was born silent into this world but his lifelessness spoke volumes...
Today marks my Adyuth's 2nd Anniversary. I cannot say enough how my life changed after having him and after losing him. The pain fades but the scar remains..forever. However, I have learned to cherish him more than I grieve for him. Although it came with so much pain, I appreciate the strength he has given me to stand up all alone if I have to and fight for what is right. He teases me with his memories but calms me with the same. He taught me heaps of lessons during these 2 years and he still does. He keeps me fighting till I get an answer and he never lets me quit. He showed me how much I mean to others and how much others mean to me. The relationship I share with my angel son is unique, one that only mothers like me would realise, for those who cannot realise it, so be it, I would never want any mother to feel what I feel.
As I did last year, I wanted to pay a visit to the cemetery where he was cremated, being lockdown I was skeptical if it was open. While I was thinking about it a thought ran across my mind and I felt like, he was not in NZ because he was just cremated here, he was neither in India because his ashes were washed off to the sea and suddenly I felt like there was no place attached to him but just then I remembered the love he had on me, he loved me so much that he took his first and last breath inside me, unwilling to leave me and not only that he also left a memento of his visit which cannot be a coincidence but has to be a miracle!
Some may think I'm obsessed with him and that I should move on. May be I wouldn't have clung to him as much as I do now if he hadn't made me feel like a queen when he was within me, if only I had got the attention at the right time, if he hadn't died of negligence of someone, if I hadn't had the necessity to find out what went wrong, how and why? If I hadn't had the necessity to fight for the right, to make people believe the fact. If he had died of a natural or even unexplained cause my grief would has taken a different turn nevertheless, i'm proud of grabbing my own piece of shatters and rebuilding myself up. What I want others to know is that It's ok to grieve and it's ok not to listen to people who tend to be judgmental but at the same time it is necessary to catch up with life, take one step at a time, no matter how small it is, no matter what grief you go through, nothing will make sense immediately, but it eventually will, until then hold on....
Amidst the crisis of Covid 19, I would like to invite kinds hearts to help for a cause honoring Adyuth's 2nd Anniversary. Please choose and donate by clicking the links below:
Help A Child of India is a registered non-profit Civil Society engaged in the development of the deprived children in the peripheries of the social fabric.
Up to 30% of mothers experience postnatal anxiety/depression. Give a little to help prevent this or to assist in their recovery.
Thank you!
Sree
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